Lovesick

Bemused by your words
Flown in the air
So tangibly voiced
I can’t forget

Ensorcelled by your trance
Fondled with such enamour
Can’t ever envisage
This lovesick flu given

From the icy stares every single day
Without any conversation foreplayed

What do you see
In those charcoal orbs
Trying to disguise
My verboten wrongs

What significance do I actually thrive
In the nights you lay
Thinking twice

Do you need me as much as I need you?

And why do I keep myself adrift
When my heart’s so thirsty for your sins

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12 thoughts on “Lovesick

  1. Mel, may I say something without offending you or sounding like a pompous ass?
    You have a gift and you have the vocabulary to match your wonderful thoughts.. But often, as I used to be a few years ago, we tend to think that heavier the words, the better our writing. This is not meant as criticism at all, but I went through this myself when I was very young. The words you use must flow naturally from within you. Do not pick words because they sound impressive or look like they are very masterful… I know this might sound like unsolicited advice from a nobody. But I really think you have a gift. Use it judiciously. Use words that are simpler, not by force, but out of the natural flow of it. Verboten, for example, was one such use. I used to use that word often, myself. But one day, recently in fact, I suddenly realized it was not important to use complex language.

    Please forgive me this intrusion, I just wanted to tell you that you can write better if you did not do it consciously – choose words or phrases. Do you mind me saying all this? Or are you prepared to give this well-meaning friend a chance at a reasonable explanation? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No you don’t sound like a pompous ass and neither have you offended me. Oh I see, so verboten is too strong? Thank you so much for the advice! I will really take it into consideration, maybe I’ll just leave this poem untouched for the next one, I will try to let all my words flow naturally with my thoughts. I don’t mind, and I guess I’ll never mind you saying all these! Just feel free to critique my performance, I will appreciate all of it! Nowadays, hardly anyone’s generous with their knowledge, especially with someone like me. I’m truly grateful to have known such a wonderful caring person like you. Thank you so much and sorry for the disappointment my recent poems have been giving!:/ Cheers!:)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No no no.. not disappointed at all.. Oh, I am so sorry..

        Nothing like that.. Sometimes I talk too much, forgive me.. don’t feel bad at all..
        In fact, I used to feel insulted when people used to tell me that I was writing in a very complex manner or that I was showing off. I used to be annoyed that they thought my language was unnatural. I remembered that and wrote to you. Did not mean it as anything else. I am so sorry. I am not even a professional to give “advice” to anyone, just an amateur reader. Mel, I am sorry. Don’t change anything anywhere..

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh no! Don’t apologise! If I felt ‘insulted’ , I wouldn’t have even replied, right? Don’t humble yourself, you’re so much to me! No, I have loads to change in the way I write if I want to improve. Life isn’t about staying in the same position forever but moving forward with all the lessons learnt as strength. Thank you, my dear friend. You’re not annoying at all. Don’t even think that way!

    Like

  3. Burnt trees, raging seas
    the world left ashore
    never the same before
    seek the seeds, not the leaves
    fill thy heart with a fulfilling breeze

    let the sun caress your O’ so lonely soul,
    you deserve better than a burnt coal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awwe this is such a lovely poem!!!! Thank you so much I’m so utterly touched by your kindness๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜˜ I hope you’ll know how much this really means…

      Like

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