I’ll Understand

These thoughts I’d failed to convey to that heart shattered into bits I couldn’t count
Condensed into words frozen inside the ache of my regrets
As I watched you bleed in silent torments
Mutilated by all the twists of promises I couldn’t keep
Behind disguised lies and critical mischief

But remember when the moon hung like a time barrier in our fragile zone
I meant every single “shit”
You were the universe to me
I thought we were an art of destiny

Then reality hit me like a razing fault
And I realised we were just a foolish naivety
Clinging onto that breaking strand of thought

Love will conquer all our fights at two in the morning

Maybe we never loved
Or maybe,
I never loved you as much as you had portrayed to

My resolve was weak to fight for the aftermath
And you knew right from the start that I was a mess
But you never gave up on wanting to mould me back

Sorry for giving up too soon my dear
If only I had loved you like how I do now

I can’t ignite that flame of hope long gone in the turbulence of all our sorrows but somewhere in between those trash I’d left behind
I hope you can still find some worthy junk of memory to sweeten those sour eyes

And somewhere in between the ignorance we masquerade right now
I hope you can still hear my knocks on the door pleading you to let me in once more

But I was the one who had left you alone.

So if you happen to erase me like a mispelled word
After six months, three weeks and seven days
I’ll understand baby

I will.

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22 thoughts on “I’ll Understand

  1. Thanks for your honestly and nakedness. Its good to hear that kindness and love is acknowledged sometimes and is not always wasted.

    This comes to mind:

    “Lilywhite Lilith”

    The chamber was in confusion – all the voices shouting loud.
    I could only just hear, a voice quite near say, “Please help me through the crowd:”
    I said if I helped her thru’ she could help me too, but I could see that she wholly blind.
    But from her pale face and her pale skin, a moonlight shined.

    Lilywhite Lilith,
    She gonna take you thru’ the tunnel of night
    Lilywhite Lilith,
    She gonna lead you right.

    When I’d led her through the people, the angry noise began to grow.
    She said, “Let me feel the way the breezes blow, and I’ll show you where to go.”
    So I followed her into a big round cave, she said, “They’re coming for you, now don’t be afraid.”
    Then she sat me down on a cold stone throne, carved in jade.

    Lilywhite Lilith,
    She gonna take you thru’ the tunnel of night
    Lilywhite Lilith,
    She gonna lead you right.

    She leaves me in my darkness,
    I have to face, face my fear,
    And the darkness closes in on me,
    I can hear a whirring sound growing near.
    I can see the corner of the tunnel,
    Lit up by whatever’s coming here.
    Two golden globes float into the room
    And a blaze of white light fills the air.”

    == 1973 Peter Gabriel

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My pleasure. Thank you for yours as well. Yes, this poem though rusted by age still remains fresh like a brand new thought! Thank you for sharing with me such a lovely and priceless poem! It really speaks more than a thousand thoughts. Though it’s my first time reading it, I can feel a connection to it. Thank you and please continue to inspire others with your unique way of working with words!

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  2. I loved these lines:
    somewhere in between the ignorance we masquerade right now
    I hope you can still hear my knocks on the door pleading you to let me in once more.

    The point in which we let go of love but so badly need it back, but it’s gone. So true, nothing left to do but understand.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey there lady,
    If only you knew how he hurted, if only you knew how he wished, if only you knew his heart stayed,
    If one day, if that day you can possibly return to him, please do. He actually misses you a lot too, even if theres someone else beside him, she will understand for youre the one and only girl who can bring him the love he wants, the love he needs. If you havent forgotten the promise you sealed with a kiss, then have firm faith, youll get his love back in due time. Fight on, if you crave for him more than anything else.

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      1. You need him to have the strength to carry on, aint it ? Dont you feel that your life was better with his love ? If you succumb into pressure easily, you might just miss the one you love and the one who gave you his heart. At least, with his love, you can find meaning to this cruel world.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well of course I need him… Yeah, he’s like my sun. Or rather, the air that I breathe. Now that he’s gone, I can’t really survive a day without him crossing my mind… I know what he did wasn’t right but right at the same time:/ well the issue is rather complicated to be explained but I hope you get the idea. Thanks again, for the motivation to fight for my own happiness. You inspire me a lot:)

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    1. This is so sweet of you! I do want to get him back? :/ please help me… I know I sound like a desperate freak but I just can’t imagine myself getting married with someone who’s NOT him tbvh… Your advices will be appreciated, I promise. Thank you once again for volunteering. I’m so happy to have found you through this

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  4. I really should know better than to read your poems in public. But, your poems and a cup of Starbucks coffee go together so well. Fortunately, my eyes don’t turn red when I cry. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg what??? Awwe, don’t cry damn it I feel damn bad for making you tear:/ yeap I feel you! I personally like reading poems and sipping coffee at the same time hehe:) But I feel glad that you’re able to relate to the situation and I hope I did not worsen your depression:/ I just wanted to express my thoughts and let others have a share of it. Have a gd day, okay?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is absolutely wonderful. It was only a few weeks ago that learned how to cry again. Your poems are great for guiding me through old stories that need to be set free.

        I laugh because it is probably confusing for other people when they see a fit guy who could be a soldier smiling and crying over a cup coffee.

        I see your writing as a gift. Thank you. (And I will continue to thank you for sharing)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You’re so sweet and I think right now, it’s my turn to cry 😢😢😢 I’ve started this blog out just to pen down my pent-up emotions and little did I realise how much it would actually impact on others… You’ve just inspired me to keep up with this. And I am glad to have made you laugh at least… was it genuine?:) Awwe, I can totally imagine the scenario! I bet you looked extremely adorable in starbucks😂😊 well, if possible, I would like to set all of these old stories free:) cheers! And well, stop thanking me already you’re making me feel bad!!! Thanks for making my day! You’re such a special mystery to solve😁

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